Suicide jokes
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
Sayo-nara.
👌neck
Why did my wife leave me?
I wish I knew.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.