Suicide jokes

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him :)

"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

These gags are killing me!

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

Why did the man become stupid?

Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

How did a blonde commit suicide?

She jumped from the basement window.

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?