Suicide jokes
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.