Suicide jokes

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

What did the rope say to me?

"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

~ Hey, you wanna hang?

What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?

It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

Slit your wrists.

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.