Suck jokes
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why did the penis go fly?
Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
Roses are red.
Grass is green.
I think of you sucking my peen.