Story jokes
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.
Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.
Memes
Meme:
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."