Story jokes

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

Why did Pinocchio cross the road?

To get to the other lied.

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

Why couldn’t the orange cross the road? Because it ran out of juice.

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?

Wendy's?

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.

If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?

Because she runs away from balls.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.