Yo moma so ugly it made the world stop spinning
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public I said maybe
One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Bully: Shut up motherf*cker Me: Well stop talking to me and I won't have to keep f*cking your mother
the way to stop school shootings is to give children a rpg
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11 My dad died to it, he was a great piolet
When ur little brother knocks ur two Jenga towers u made with his toy airplane
You: hey stop trying to recreate the twin towers
your mom is so stupid she stopped at a stop sign because it never said go
Dude people gotta stop letting 9 11 jokes fly around like bro ur gonna my my brain explode
this is not a joke, Tom i'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual i don't like you
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
if they got fed up with them.
So i told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldnt stop crying.
Bully: *Bullies kid* Orphan: Stop!! *Cries* Bully: What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?? XD Orphan: :/
Stop it why offends..asf
so little johnny seen a robbery so he tried to stop the robber to the robbers surprise he was amazed so johnny got 20 shots to the head the end
