Stop jokes

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.

Mom: Daddy, stop!

Me: No!

Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.