Still jokes

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Anne Frank is still the Nazi hide-and-go-seek champion.

What animal jumps the highest?

An emo kid, some of them are still up there.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.

If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!