Still jokes

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.

Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

Q: What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? A: Magic!

Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.