Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
