I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
