New Stand Jokes - Page 20 - Worst Jokes Ever

What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?

"Stand" Ford University. :3

Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

I can’t stand disabled jokes...

Neither can they 😂

Stand? Wait. No.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

Why do you make fun of disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."

The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"

Stairs.

Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.