Stand jokes
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?
"Stand" Ford University. :3
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
Stand? Wait. No.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"