Stand jokes
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.