Stand jokes
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Some say Stephen Hawking couldn't stand up for himself 😂
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!