What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with there dicks out?
The Twin Towers
Your forhed is so big i could stand on it
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
bring out your weapons people. it's bullying time.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
after standing in line staring at mcdonalds menu for 17 minutes] me: ok im ready. can you help me not be sad all the time
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
What does Diana stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident.
I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.
I just stand at the back and ting.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
A handicapped person tells a good joke,but he cant be a stand up comedian😂😂😂
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair. He couldn't stand a chance.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children
A kid wanted ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me 💀
Hey, you know what I told the kid on wheel chair?
I told him to be a stand up comedian
The F in Orphans stand for family...
Stephen hawking least favorite song is- I still standing
the s in america stands for safe.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DM’s telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked "What does that mean?"
I said "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
Why did Hitler go for handicap?because they can’t stand up for themselves
