Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
The duck walked up to the lemonade stand.
And he said to the man Running the stand, "Hey! Bomp bomp bomp Got any grapes?"
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Why does Steven hawkings only do one liners?
Cause he can’t do stand up
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
The M and D in orphan stands for Mom and Dad.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
