Sports jokes
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
I have big balls, said the kid holding two soccer balls.
I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? 'Cause they can’t find home plate.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t go home.
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
Why don’t orphans like baseball?
They have no home to run to.