Sports jokes

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

Someone stole my balls :(

Why are basketball courts slippery?

Because the players dribble on it.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

I like dicks... sporting goods.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?

'Cause they'll eat the bat!

"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.