Sound jokes
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
What noise did Steven Hawking make when he died?
Windows shutting down.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
I named my horse Mayo. Mayo neighs.
Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.
BRUHS0UNDEFFECT!
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The butt.
The butt who?
The butt goes mooooo!
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
What happened to the glue?
I knew you would get stuck on that!
Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.