SOS jokes

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.