SOS jokes

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

I was in the mood for some dark meat, so I called my black friend.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.

Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......