I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
I was in the mood for some dark meat, so I called my black friend.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
