SOS jokes

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.