SOS jokes

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:

11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.

Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

Others: R.

Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.