SOS jokes

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

Friend: Why?

Me: So they would hang themselves.

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.

Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.

A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.