SOS Jokes

Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm and I asked her what she was doing and she answered "Oh I had to buy you so I don't steal you"

emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.