SOS jokes

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.