SOS jokes

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"