My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest so i went as a plane, it didn't fly to well with people.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Your hairline’s so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'
There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents we're taken so her shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: Can I play with your bellybutton my mom always let's me when we camp. So the teacher says: Sure 5 minutes later the teacher says: Woah Woah Woah that's not my bellybutton! Little Johnny says: Woah Woah Woah thats not my finger.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
Your hairline so far back I learned about it in history class
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
