Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
Ever heard of the currency TNT?
All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
This joke is so corny I could eat it off the cob.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Yo mama so fat, she ate McDonald's!
I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.
So I told him he was on my cock.
(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)
