The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
SOS Jokes
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because they could always count on their beats!
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill’s real name is Randy.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
