A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling
Why was the rapper always so confident?
Because he had a lot of rhyme and reason!
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
