SOS jokes
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."
Inela, your hairline goes so far back I remember seeing it in the stone age! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Your hairline goes so far back, I remember seeing it in the Stone Age.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"