Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
