Something jokes
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?
Everybody knows nothing.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?
You fix both with a coat hanger.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
I once masturbated in the bathroom.
I was looking for something, for a little help.
Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.
I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.