Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
Bunger got me like:
😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
What's something that 9/10 people enjoy? A gangbang.
Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.
Wanna see something dark?
Close your eyes.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
As I am from South Carolina, I just thought about something Jefferson Davis would have thought about:
"Them slaves taking credit for everything."
