Something jokes

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

Name something an orphan can't do?

Go cry to their mommy.

Bully: Your fat.

Me: Fat is something to fix, but your face isn't.

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?

THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.