Someone's jokes

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he gets to call someone father.

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."

When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

Why do orphans go to church?

It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

Why did the orphans like church so much?

So they had someone to call father...

My sister was at Sixth Street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled, so she called the police! XD

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.