Someone jokes

Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.

Someone asked me my gender... I said, "Woah, man."

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?

His wheelchair always backs him up.

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

What did the tower say to the other?

"Man, someone's on fire today!"

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?

You just got fruit-rolled.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Why the actual f

is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddam difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive,” or something like that. Goddam, just take that shit somewhere else!

If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So they had someone to call Father.