Someone jokes

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

Q: What do you call brown mixed with yellow?

A: Someone who just ate beans.

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Follow me if you know someone smart.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool? Posiedown.

Killing someone is better than killing yourself.

Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

What do you call someone with no legs?

Disabled.

If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:

"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...

YOU WERE BORN!"

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."