Someone jokes

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?

“My Mommy Comes Back”

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

Why do orphans want to be gay?

Because they will have someone to call "daddy" for once.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

Why do orphans love role-plays?

Because they can call someone "daddy."

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.