If you unironically think Someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail you are honestly such a Fucking embaresment to humanity
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you just say “hipity hoppity that gun is my property.
i went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
the way u talk is so slow that the put u in the movie fast and furious and changed the title to slow and serious!!!😂😂😭
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
If you ever think no one cares about you?
Kill someone, than the news will.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: because he wanted to call someone to call daddy.
why did the orphan become a striper.... to have someone to call daddy
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar foot longs
when someone throws something at your forehead it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
(If it's unoriginal, I apologize. My friend gave me this joke.)
-Signed, AdmiralKizaru.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already
someone: stop making jokes about sh!
me; OH sorry man, ill cut it out, ill cut it out deep
Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute
Because they want to call someone daddy
What do you call someone with no body and no nose. Nobody knows.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
