Someone jokes
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Why do orphans love going to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
Why do orphans love role-plays?
Because they can call someone "daddy."