Society jokes
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
When the school lets you near children again...
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Why can’t you give an orphan homework?
Because they don’t have a home to do it in.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.