One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
š¤
American Communist Lawyers Union.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Iām old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
