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Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

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    • In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

    My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

    I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.

    Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

    Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

    One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"

    My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

    I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

    I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.

    Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!

    Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

    Because they can actually buy a house.

    So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.

    I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.

    What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?

    A clout chaser.

    Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.