Social jokes

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Why can't orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "Daddy~"

Why did the emo leave the bar?

Because it was happy hour.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.

Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are social distancing.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait.

Why would doors do well on social media?

Everyone looks for their handles.

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.