Skill jokes
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
What do you call a bad player? A noob.
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.