Yo mama so fat Trump built a wall around her and not the border.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
Your mama so fat she sunk the HMS ship!
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn't make enough shadow clones to surround her.
