Size jokes

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.

What do you call a midget that waves at you?

A microwave.

A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.

Uranus is huge.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

Your momma is so fat, the whole Earth falls down to 100,000,000 ft.

Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

She walks away and says ok.

The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."