Single Jokes

everyone: so wait let me get this straight feminist want to cancel fathers day because it is offensive to single mothers

feminist: correct

everyone: THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF MOTHERS DAY

I'm better than you in every single way.... I even have an extra chromosome.

I once told siri, "Hey Siri, why am i still single?" she opened the front camera.

why was the orphan single. Because it could not call someone daddy

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim...... Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we..... Me: nope. My deprssion: *says really fast*:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I'll always be here for you.

Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I'm a fireman" The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame-up

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

Roses are red, violets are blue, i'd rather be single then be with someone like you.

Hey I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive, unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you at least.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to Orphan

A kid had school today. He was late every single day. He said in his mind, I wish I can go to school again. What happened? Its obvious...... He died :)

A single sentence walks into a bar.

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden, It just doesn’t make any cents!

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week

What relationship status fits an orphan, Single.

Who needs singles day when your single for the rest of your life!

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”