Short jokes
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
Why does Tesco like midgets?
Every little helps.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.