Short jokes
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
Why does Tesco like midgets?
Every little helps.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.