Short jokes
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
Why does Tesco like midgets?
Every little helps.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
You're so short, Aiden looked tall.
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.