What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Short Jokes
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
Why does Tesco like midgets?
Every little helps.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.
