Short jokes
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Why did the tornado take a break?
Because it ran out of wind! 😂
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!