Short jokes
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
Why did the tornado take a break?
Because it ran out of wind! 😂
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."