Short jokes
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the Skittles were, but she answered everything was black and white.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
When I get hungry 😋
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.