Short jokes
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Your mum. That's all I need to say.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.