Short jokes
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.