Short jokes
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
Tate
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?
They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
You look tall for being 432,450 miles tall!
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.
He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.
Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!
Why don't you see any more fat Chinese men?
Because the last Chinese man was in WW2.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
Monky.
Your mom is so skinny, she eats Skinny Pop!
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.