Short jokes

What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?

Ice Cube.

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...

Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?

A. A mixed vegetable.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.